Did I sing today?

I'll bet most people reflect on the day's events as it draws to a close.  If they are anything like me, and I hope the majority aren't, I live with a great deal of regret and guilt.  I am not talking about deeply rooted issues, dark secrets, bad deeds or anything like that.  Only, that I never accomplish what I want, heck, what needs to be accomplished around this home.  We survive.  We try to throw in some laughs, but I have felt for so long, that we are just getting by.

Fibromyalgia.  Its terrible.  I hate it.

It has robbed life from me.  It has stolen away the quality of time and play I can invest with my children.  It has made me into a different person.  Someone I do not like.  Because the me I am now is sad about all the things I have missed, angry that this will be a battle for the rest of my life!, and just- just in pain all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  

So, I have decided to do a different sort of "exercise" for myself.  Not only am I going to be back in the pool exercising my carcass (I sure hope my bathing suit still fits), but every time I post an entry here I will try to have something good to share.  A "song," if you will, straight from the cage.  Even from my perch there are beautiful things happening.  Writing good things down will serve me well when I forget in my dark and low days,  those abounding in plenty about now.

What I'm singing about today: 

I took the kids for a walk to a nearby park.  This is good and has been very hard for me to do.  It may not seem like much to anyone else, but this is a serious triumph for me.  I have done it numerous times before, and not that long ago either.  But it has been a while.  We live in an apartment building now.  Not having a yard for them to run around in stinks, but feeling so lousy I just can't take them anywhere is depressing.  Literally depressing.  Children should be outside.  Everyday.  Play outside everyday.  That just doesn't happen here.  Its bad enough that I don't really play WITH them when we do go to the park, but not being able to take them at all because my energy is zapped, my body is killing me, or my head is about to explode is no fun for anyone.  I will confess, this is a great source of heartache for me.  Not providing my children with the quality of life I had hoped, had expected to give them.  This condition reaches so far into our lives changing everything... O there I go.

Taking a walk to the park.  This is good.  Just seeing the elation on little J's face as she skipped along on the way there was worth it.  And the sight of N running around with all the other little boys he immediately befriended upon entering the play ground...  well now, these are causes for a whole chorus to rise up and sing!

but for now its just me.  

Hopefully tomorrow will bring a more spirited me, even if I can't magically wake up without any pain.

Bye for now.