My husband made it possible for me to get over to the pool on Friday evening. Thank goodness I have a pretty good memory, I was able to replicate what I would have done on a typical day (and to the best of my knowledge, a typical first day in the pool) for aquatic therapy. Once in the pool its pretty difficult to remember NOT TO push oneself too hard. Moving through the water is a delightful sensation. So gentle on the joints, the light resistance of my limbs with the different stretches and exercises it almost feels too easy.
But then Saturday rolls around, and I am tired. I could already feel it on Friday upon exiting the pool, the weight of my own body as I took each step ascending upward and out of the water. My own body weight, pound per pound, just felt different to that buoyant and bouncy self a moment ago. O, and Saturday, Not even Saturday morning so much, but Saturday afternoon, O my. Tired and sore. Did I overdo do it? How can I tell? On a scale from 1-10 I felt like an 8. I was discouraged, but at the same rate, encouraged. I remembered my other first days in the pool. This was nothing new. I needed to find my pace. Not kill, and not be ineffective. Needless to say, anti-inflammatories and ambien at night were in order. and taking the prescribed 2xdaily 50mg of tramadol were definitely necessary.
Sunday: Church, then back in the pool. I did everything the same, except I decreased the pace a little. Lets see if I don't die tomorrow. That would be bad. I have the kids all by my lonesome until 530ish and they both still have colds. Its nearly 11pm now. Why am I still up? Pain. Can't sleep. I figure I may as well write this update.
Truth is, I take 2 tramadol everyday. I have for about a year now. Before that I took one tramadol a day for a year. Before that I took nothing. Nothing for three years or so. Just over the counter stuff (ibuprofen) and natural supplements like glucosamine. Then the headaches started, then I started the tramadol. Whoa! I realized how much one little pill helped me to get things done and I was...hooked. Even if it wasn't everyday. It came to be. Now... Well, now I just want to be off everything, if thats possible, if thats advisable, and not depend on any pill to feel well. I did it before. I am sure I can do it again. Why, o why can't I just be like everyone else?
Well, anyway, I am swimming again. and thats good. something to sing about for sure, even though my body hates me, it feels like I have talons clenching into my neck/shoulders/back and I have had to readjust myself or get up a few times while typing out this post because I am uncomfortable.
Something to sing about:
My husband I have not been getting along very well lately. My condition takes a toll on a lot of things. Feeling crummy all the time leaves one vulnerable for a number of things. If things are shaky in other areas, the likelihood of being able to deal with them very well in the midst of physical pain (read:turmoil) that also causes emotional strife is probably very low. Mr P has so much on his plate already; when I fell apart last week, he just wasn't up for holding me together. And as resentful as I was (i guess part of me is still working on that) for not being there for me in a very dark and low moment, I am beginning to understand and forgive. I know I am not perfect. We were very young when we got married. I am sure that regardless of whatever my disappointments may be, he himself has had his share of surprises. There are things that have happened to us, changes that have taken place in me (FIBROMYALGIA! for example) that neither of us anticipated. I am also learning that things will not always be as bleak as they seem. As long as we keep working on things together as a team, maybe not always 100% understanding each other, but always trying to respect each other 100%- well, I think we will get pretty far. Not only that , but I think we will set a pretty good example for the kids. Which is important. For after all, I LOVE my husband. We love each other. And our little family, we have to take care of it. That is why I am working, crawling on this road to getting better. So that I may be better equipped to deal with whatever life hands us.
"Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
Bye for now.
Me
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